troll

FuckSAKE

what has she done now?

She says she hates using icing sugar with a passion. She's only saying that because she saw on my gingerbread Instagram that I hate using icing sugar with a passion.

that must be the answer

She's got my Lakrids. Only she calls them bonbons. Bonbons, I ask you.

what's she making with those?

Nothing. They are in her liquorice case, next to the dragees... I had no idea you said it that way... and the pellets she's using to make a sauce for the burnt Basque cheesecake I was going to make next week before she stepped in and made it this week for everyone to see.

you can still make it. it would be nice.

It Won't Be The Same. And there was my crispy chilli, the same jar, my sweet smoked paprika, the same tin, my kimchi, and my posh tinned toms, and I keep those right at the back of the cupboard. She must be coming in at night and having a right old ruttle. I think she hides out the back in a hedge and peers in through the door.

like julianne moore?

Would that make you happy, love?

yes. very happy.

Just like Julianne Moore, but with the exact same Danish dough whisk I just gave to Mrs Parker for her birthday.

is there no end to it?

Then, just to rub it in, she put black banana peels in a curry. She knows I can't eat ripe/cooked bananas because ripe/cooked bananas give me sinus ache.

what a cow.

And she eats what she does, like she does, yet looks like she does, and says she never diets. She's sent to try me. I tell you, if she comes for the fairylights, she's a goner.

that'll show her.

Zig has got me her book for Christmas, like I hinted, hasn't he?