toto, we’re not at summer school anymore

It’s very simple, Gruff. All you have to do is get up before me, and set a place at the table, complete with napkin and side plate, glass, cup and saucer, and jug of orange juice.

Place a generous bowl of fruit, plate of croissants, selection of boxed individual cereal portions and choice of yoghurts at the other end of the table.

I will come downstairs, make my selection from these, sit at the laid place and pour myself a glass of juice.

You will approach to politely enquire, Would you like any tea or coffee, Madam? Any toast? I’ll decide that I would quite like some coffee and, yes, some toast. Thank you.

You will bring this across, quickly. The toast cut into triangles and filling a toast rack… Sorry?.. Well, perhaps you could go out and buy one, then.

You’ll then enquire, politely, mind, Would you like a cooked breakfast this morning, Madam? I’ll ask for everything that is veggie, please. This you will bring. Quickly.

Oh, although speed and attention to detail is, of course, key to the smooth running of this operation, what makes the breakfast, the thing that without this the entire breakfast experience would fail, is that you are friendly. And smile.

Oh, and it also helps if you are young and full of the sparkle of anticipated relish and success in life that being an Oxford undergrad working through the holidays brings.

Okay?

Thanks, love.

Do you have any brown sauce?